Because vs. If

Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right. Henry Ford 1863 – 1947 How many times have you uttered the words “I can’t because…”? It’s a phrase I hear often — and I confess, I’ve been guilty of using it too. Our brains are hardwired to believe it’s okay to pass on doing something if we have an acceptable excuse. So as long as we can find (or manufacture) a good enough reason, we have no trouble saying, “I can’t, because….” If we only used this phrase for unavoidable conflicts, it would be okay. Unfortunately, that’s …
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Who holds the keys?

Never let the other fellow set the agenda. James Baker 1930 – I’d like you to consider a question: what would it take to make you happy–or at least happier than you are now? What changes in your life do you long for the most? Take a moment or two and really give this issue some thought. I don’t know what circumstances sprang to mind for each of you. But if you’re like most people, you have a few deeply held desires, and you believe that attaining them would make you truly happy. Now imagine that you’re in a warehouse …
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The when, then trap: Part two

It’s the easiest thing in the world for a man to deceive himself. Benjamin Franklin 1706 – 1790 Last week, I introduced the idea of the when, then trap. I wanted to revisit it this week because it’s such an important concept — and it’s easy to convince ourselves that it only applies to other people. But I believe we all fall into the when, then trap a lot more often than we realize. At one point, I was working with a client who was in a dysfunctional, co-dependent relationship. He was complaining quite a bit about his partner, so …
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