Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.
Viktor Frankl
1905 – 1997

Recently, a young doctoral student from Pakistan wrote me asking for suggestions she might use to change her attitude. She was angry and depressed because she believed the university she attended was little more than a diploma mill: more concerned with making money than with educating students. She provided a long list of improper and unjust practices employed by the university.

I have no way of knowing if her information was correct — but if so, she was caught in a no-win situation over which she had no control. I see people in equivalent conditions all the time, with jobs or relationships that make them deeply unhappy. They feel trapped and believe there’s nothing they can do.

This student was in a bad situation, but her method of handling it only made it worse. Our correspondence took place over a period of weeks, and she would only focus on the university’s faults. She was always asking judgmental questions. Why doesn’t someone fix the problems? Whose fault is it that the university is so messed up? How can I prove I am right? Why even bother?

Those questions lead her to have a very pessimistic attitude. She was critical, angry, depressed and defensive about everything associated with the university.

I suggested that instead of dwelling on things that she couldn’t control and things that she found wrong, she instead focus on what she wanted and what choices she might have. By shifting her focus to things under her control, she could build hope that she might be able to do something different.

This approach would have required her to give up her victim mentality. Unfortunately, she wasn’t ready to do that; she was getting some sort of benefit from being a victim of an unjust system. I’m not certain why she chose to remain a victim; perhaps it provided an excuse if she should be unsuccessful after graduation. But I see this behavior all the time. I suggest solutions to people and they reject them without considering if they could work.

The lesson here is clear. No matter what your circumstances, you have a choice how you respond. You can choose to look for someone to blame or you can seek to learn some lesson from the experience. Get clear about what you want and evaluate your options. It may seem like there are no good choices, but continuing to play the victim seems to me to be the worst possible choice.

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms–to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
Viktor Frankl

Copyright © 2012 John Chancellor