The fault dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves that we are underlings.
William Shakespeare
1564 – 1616
Do you remember when you were in grade school? You had to raise your hand and get permission to talk. You also had to get permission to go to the restroom. The teachers did this for a reason: to maintain order in the classroom. But it conditioned us to ask permission before we did anything.
Do you remember your first job? Someone taught you what you were supposed to do and what you couldn’t do. If you were like me, it didn’t take long for a situation to come up that you weren’t authorized to handle. So what did you do? You went to your supervisor to get permission.
When you decided to get married, what did you do? You probably discussed your intentions with your parents and your future in-laws. In short, you got permission.
The point I’m trying to make is that, for most of our lives, we’ve been taught not to do anything without getting permission first.
When we’re young and we don’t have much experience, asking for permission is probably healthy. After all, we don’t know what consequences might result from our actions. So there’s some safety in consulting an authority.
But unfortunately, old habits die hard. All too often, we carry this habit into our adult lives. And what happens? We have a need to get permission, but there’s no one to give it to us. We often have the nagging feeling that we shouldn’t do something because we aren’t qualified or don’t have the experience — in short, we don’t have permission. This problem usually comes up when we’re trying new things. I often see people who are highly qualified in a particular field, but they’re afraid to make full use of their talents because they feel the need for approval.
As adults, where do we seek approval or permission? More often than not, we ask someone who isn’t well qualified to give it: a drinking buddy, a neighbor, a spouse or a close friend. We generally ask someone safe rather than someone who can give us an authoritative answer.
I think there are two lessons here. One is to be aware that your need for permission may be holding you back from achieving your potential. The other is not to seek approval from someone who isn’t experienced or knowledgeable enough to give a meaningful opinion. There are plenty of people who will tell you that you aren’t qualified to do something. If the Wright brothers had listened to everyone who said it wasn’t possible for man to fly, the world would be a lot different than it is today. The same is true for Edison, Bell and a host of others.
The quickest way to kill your dream is to seek permission. You’re no longer a child. You don’t need permission to pursue your dream.
Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re probably right.
Henry Ford
1863 – 1947
Copyright © 2024 by John Chancellor