People only see what they are prepared to see.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
1803 – 1852
Recently, I was on a conference call where business people discuss their ideas, situations and problems, with the goal of receiving feedback from other participants. One member, “Bill,” had just offered up his problem, and another person, “Joe,” was quick to point out a possible solution. Before Joe had even finished talking, Bill broke in to explain why Joe’s suggestion wouldn’t work for him.
I was shocked by Bill’s reaction. It was perfectly clear to me that the suggestion was good — probably the best advice Bill would get on how to move forward — and most of the other members echoed that sentiment. But Bill thought that his situation was unique — that somehow his problem was different and required a special solution.
Unfortunately, this reaction is more common than most people realize. I’ve worked with hundreds of people to address business or lifestyle problems. When I offer a suggestion, the answer I hear, far more than any other, is “but you don’t understand my situation”. That response is typically followed by some explanation, such as “You don’t know my [customers / employees / industry]” or “my [spouse or other relative] is the center of the problem.”
Over the years, I’ve learned to develop a little patience. I’ve also learned that the greatest obstacle to solving a problem is the mindset of the person experiencing it. “It won’t work for me” is the one of the most self-limiting attitudes a person can develop.
Two issues are at work here. First, while there are certainly lots of differences between businesses, employees and relatives, there are also lots of commonalities. And basic principles of business and of human behavior carry across industry and family lines. If you focus on differences rather than similarities, you limit your ability to solve the problem.
The second problem is that most people never look beyond their initial reaction. If you want to get better than average results, then you have to work to move past the typical response. It doesn’t take a genius to see the pitfalls of a suggested solution. A truly effective person is one who listens to the suggestion and then adapts the principles to his or her circumstances.
If you’re having trouble figuring out how to apply a principle to your situation, ask for more guidance. Taking the position that it won’t work for you dooms you to the status quo more often than not.
The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.
William James
1842 – 1910
Copyright © 2022 John Chancellor