A friend cannot be known in prosperity: and an enemy cannot be hidden in adversity.
Ecclesiasticus 12:8
In part one, I discussed the importance of asking questions instead of resorting to the standard behavior of finding an acceptable excuse and using that reason to quit trying for a goal.
Our first question was: How can I _______________?
The second question is: Who do I need ________________?
In western society, we’ve come to accept the idea of the rugged individual. Our culture has conditioned us to believe that we must accomplish our goals without the assistance of others. This is a very limiting attitude. Nothing great was ever accomplished solely by one person. Even Jesus had his twelve disciples. And Thomas Edison had several assistants helping carry out his various experiments.
So when you’re entertaining some new venture or embarking on a goal, you should ask yourself this question: who do I need ________________? And fill in the blank with the appropriate wording. If your goal is to land your dream job, your question would be: who do I need to help me find and get my dream job? If your goal is an extended trip to Australia, the question would be: who do I need to help make my trip to Australia a reality? You can and should follow the initial question with: who else do I need? Keep asking the “who else” until you’ve identified all the people you need to help you achieve your goal.
While you’re asking the “who do I need” question, keep in mind that it’s much better to have a few select individuals who will offer significant help than dozens who only offer minimal assistance. A small group of valuable contacts is superior to a large group of minimal value.
There’s another side to the question: who do you need to dismiss from your life? We all have people who hinder progress toward our goals. The most troubling of this group are generally close relatives. Often we feel trapped because we can’t get away from our family. You may not be able to eliminate them from your life, but you must find a way to limit their negative influence.
Often, people develop friendships or business relationships that are mutually beneficial. But over time, some of these relationships change. I don’t believe in keeping score, but you must be judicial about relationships that are no longer helping you.
If you truly want to change your life, you need to attract the right people. And you probably need to reduce the influence of certain others.
Learn to ask the question: who do I need ____________? Having the right people to support you will dramatically change your life.
But indeed, a friend is never known until a man hath need.
John Heywood
c. 1497 – c. 1580
Copyright © 2009 John Chancellor