Never let the other fellow set the agenda.
James Baker
1930 –

I’d like you to consider a question: what would it take to make you happy–or at least happier than you are now? What changes in your life do you long for the most? Take a moment or two and really give this issue some thought.

I don’t know what circumstances sprang to mind for each of you. But if you’re like most people, you have a few deeply held desires, and you believe that attaining them would make you truly happy.

Now imagine that you’re in a warehouse with lots of different rooms, and each room houses one of the things you think would make you happy. One room might have a large sum of money, another could hold your ideal mate, a third might contain the secret to being admired, and so on.

The question I’d like to pose is this: who holds the keys to each room? This isn’t a trick question; who has the keys to a particular room? Who is standing between you and your dream? This is a very deep question and not to be taken lightly.

You started off thinking about things you believe would make you happy. Those things are being kept from you. Someone has the key that would allow you to obtain those things. The question is: who?

I’d like to suggest that you stop reading at this point and really dig into this question. Come back when you think you have an answer.

We often think that someone else holds the key to obtaining whatever it is we want: a big contract, a business deal, a new career, better relationships, our dream partner or spouse. We believe our success is dependent on, or being held back by, someone else: a boss, business partner, spouse or expert.

When we look to someone else to fulfill our dreams, we subconsciously give them power over us. We give them the keys to our future. And rarely do they unlock the door for us.

The correct answer, of course, is that you have the keys. You have always had, and always will have, the keys to whatever you want in life. If you believe someone else holds the keys, the door will always be locked. Once you understand and accept that you control your destiny, you can unlock any door you choose.

Thinking someone else holds the key is a convenient excuse to avoid taking responsibility for your situation in life. If we believe someone else is in control, we don’t have to do the hard work necessary to achieve our goals. And if we believe we’re powerless, it’s not our fault if we don’t have the lives we desire.

Whatever you want, accept that you hold the key to getting it. It takes honesty and courage to admit that you have the key to whatever you want. But ultimately, it’s the only way to unlock the door to your dreams.

The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency.
Quentin Crisp
1908 – 1999

Copyright © 2015 John Chancellor