Trying to control or change what we can’t only results in torment.
Epictetus
55 – 135 A.D.

There’s an old parable about a frog and a scorpion that provides a valuable lesson. As the story goes, the scorpion wanted to get across a lake. Because scorpions can’t swim, it asked a frog to transport it. The frog refused, saying, “You’re a scorpion; if I allow you on my back, surely you’ll sting me and I’ll die.”

The scorpion replied, “Why would I sting you? I can’t swim, so I’d be foolish to sting you. It would mean my death too.” The frog saw the logic of the argument and agreed to ferry the scorpion across the lake. When they were near the middle of the lake, the scorpion stung the frog. The frog cried out, “Why did you sting me? Now we’ll both die.”

The scorpion replied, “Because I am a scorpion. It is my nature to sting.”

The lesson is very clear and often overlooked: people rarely change their basic nature. Yet too often, we make the mistake of ignoring this truth.

We enter into friendships with people who, by their nature, are not suited to be good friends, to support us in achieving our life goals. We enter into romantic relationships thinking we just need to change a few things about the other person to make our partner perfect. We enter into business transactions with people knowing about potential problems but thinking we’ll work around them, or that they’ll act in the best interest of all parties because they’re gaining something from the relationship.

We need to learn a lesson from the frog. People rarely change their basic nature. It doesn’t matter what the rewards might be for acting differently. People find it extremely difficult to act contrary to their true selves.

I’m not suggesting that you give up on a person because of a mistake in the past. We all make mistakes. But be wary and temper your expectations of that person; don’t expect radically different behavior, and monitor the situation to protect yourself.

It’s best to seek out friends, relationship partners and employees whose core identity aligns with yours. If you’re an employee, make sure the values of the company match your beliefs.

Life is filled with challenges. Don’t take on more by expecting someone to act differently from their nature. The sting of realizing this truth can be quite painful.

Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.
Benjamin Franklin
1706 – 1790

Copyright © 2013 John Chancellor