You have undertaken to cheat me. I won’t sue you, for the law is too slow. I’ll ruin you.
Cornelius Vanderbilt
1794-1877

I know you’ve seen movies or TV shows where one person does an injustice to another. The offended person is often shown glaring at the offender with fire in his eyes and saying, “I’ll get you for this if it’s the last thing I do.”

We all know this is called revenge. And we also know how damaging it can be to the people who let the desire for revenge consume their lives.

If revenge can do so much damage, what about the opposite of revenge? Can it do enormous good?

This lesson isn’t about revenge; it’s about the opposite of revenge. And if more of us truly understood the tremendous benefits we could obtain via the opposite of revenge, we would all be better off.

First, what is the opposite of revenge? If revenge is getting even for something someone did to you, the opposite should be getting ahead by doing something good for someone else. It involves the principle of reciprocity: when someone does us a good turn, we feel obligated to return the favor. And more often than not, the favor returned is much greater than the original one granted.

Let me give you a couple of real-life examples.

You may remember the Hare Krishna Society. Years ago, their members worked the airports and gave unsuspecting travelers a flower. They basically stuck the flower in the person’s hand and said, “This is a gift from us.” Then they asked for a donation. Even though most of society had very negative feelings about the Krishnas, people still felt compelled to give them a donation: they felt obligated to reciprocate for the gift they were given.

Another example is the Disabled American Vets. They send you return address labels and ask you to send back a donation — in other words, they give you a gift and then ask for one in return. And a large number of people feel obligated to send a donation. This approach more than doubled their response rate and has been adopted by many other charities.

It’s a common marketing tactic to give someone a token gift, which makes them feel obligated to purchase something of much greater value. In the above examples, people knew they were being manipulated, yet they gave more than the value of what they received. If it works when you know you’re being manipulated, think how well it works when you give with no expectation of return.

People have an inborn desire to keep the score even. When we think someone has mistreated us, we naturally want to exact payment. And when someone has done us a favor, we feel obligated to return that favor.

So what exactly does this mean to you? It means that if you want more out of life, you need to utilize the principle of reciprocity. I’m not talking about using reciprocity in your business; what I’m really stressing in this lesson is use on a personal level. Tell me what you want more of and I’ll tell you how to get it. Do you want more love, friendship, admiration, respect, or material possessions? Then give more first. It will be returned many times over. Whatever you treasure, learn to give it away; under the principle of reciprocity, even more will be returned to you.

It’s very important to remember that you aren’t giving with the specific intent of receiving anything in return. That’s what marketers do, and it works well. But if you want even more, give without the expectation of any reciprocity. It will happen automatically. Maybe not from everyone you give to, and sometimes not from the original recipient; but if you truly learn to give with an open heart, you will be blessed with abundance.

You can and should give some of your resources to a church and other charitable organizations. One of your greatest resources is your time and talent. Learn to give more of yourself. Your gifts will be returned with interest.

So decide if you want to get even or get ahead. For me, I’ll let others get even. I want to get ahead.

Bring the full tithes into the storehouse, that there be food in my house; And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of Heaven for you and pour down for you an overflowing blessing.
Milachi 3:10

Copyright © 2012 John Chancellor