Most people don’t realize that both help and harm come from within ourselves. Instead they look to externals, mesmerized by appearances.
Epictetus
55 – 135 A.D.

I was recently working with a client, and one of her stated goals was to acquire a new Mercedes. So I asked the question, “How will having a new Mercedes change you?”

She replied that if she had a new Mercedes, people would know she was successful. People would respect her and her accomplishments.

I again asked the question, “If you have a new Mercedes, how will that change you?”

Her reply was along the same lines. People would treat her differently. People would know she was a success. People would have a better opinion of her.

“But how will you be different?” I asked.

This time she stopped and thought about my question. There was an awkward period of silence. She was a bit stumped and was trying to find the words to answer my question without having to really answer it.

I didn’t let up. “How would you be different? Would you, as a person, really be any different?”

My client was using a line of reasoning that most of us grew up with: that we’re judged by others according to our possessions and that their judgment is more important than our own feelings of self worth.

We have no control over what people think of us. Wasting time and energy on what others think is futile. What is more important, and what should be our major focus, is to live our lives in accordance with who we are and what we believe.

Obtaining material things doesn’t change our inner worth. Those who judge us on our material possessions are shallow and superficial.

I firmly believe that you have the right to drive any car you choose. But don’t choose a particular automobile because you think it will change you. Material possessions won’t change your inner being.

There’s no doubt that acquiring a new possession can make you feel better. But those feelings are temporary. As the “new” wears off, you’ll frequently long to replace those feelings and be driven to buy something else. Each cycle requires bigger and more expensive possessions just to maintain those feelings.

It’s very easy to fall into an endless loop of seeking experiences that will validate who we think we are or how we want others to see us. But focus on your inner worth. That’s the only thing that matters.

Personal merit cannot be derived from an external source.
Epictetus
55 – 135 A.D.

Copyright © 2009 John Chancellor